ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
