I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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