So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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