At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
