New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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