It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
