yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Sober January is a disaster.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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