I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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