some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
