is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
