what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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