Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
