a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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