pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
