I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
