"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
