On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
