You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
