Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
