It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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