we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
