He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
