so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
