Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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