Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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