im about as happy as oj after his trial
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
