he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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