first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
