They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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