I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My bed smells like the plague
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
