I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
