Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
