I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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