my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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