AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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