My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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