508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
