just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
