No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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