I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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