Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
