Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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