i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
