her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
