We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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