I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
This house was built for laser tag.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Randomize
