You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
