I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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