11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
