he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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