Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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