no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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