Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
