All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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