I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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