We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
