hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
