ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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