a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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