From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
