ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Two words: nipple clamps
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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